Worries
by slaymaster
Summary: This is set when Kate is 18 and just discovering Nebula-9 at Stanford and Rick is a newly single dad of a three year old. They're both apprehensive, insecure and worried, and this story shows the parallels in their very different experiences.
1. Chapter 1

_So this is set back when Kate was right into Nebula-9 and Rick has just become a single parent, which I'm putting at when Alexis was three. I initially intended for it to be a one-shot, but when I was planning it out, it got super long, so I decided to split it into chapters. This one is just setting the scene, and the next one (which I've got written already) is going to be much longer_

* * *

Kate sighed as she looked up at the clock on the library wall. She still had two chapters to read before her class the next morning but she had promised her friend Henry Barnett that she'd stop by his dorm room to watch a new TV show with him. She wasn't really sure why - science fiction was _not_ her usual choice in entertainment - but Henry had insisted. She looked down at her textbook and her pages of notes and back up at the time. She didn't want to let her friend down, but it was important to get everything done. She sighed, wishing she could just finish off her work before going back to her own room to sleep, but Henry was one of her few friends at Stanford. Kate decided to embrace life and began packing up her paraphernalia so she could leave. She'd have to get up early in the morning to get all her work done, but she hoped it would be worth it.

As Kate left the library, she smiled at the librarian who sat at the desk near the door. She spent a great deal of her time working in the library and, while she didn't know the librarian by name, she recognised her. The library was one of her favourite places on campus. Kate had always been a voracious reader and, while she wasn't reading for pleasure when she was in the library, she always felt safe surrounded by books. Safety was what she needed right now.

Stanford had been an adjustment for Kate. Not only was it strange living in California after growing up in New York City, but her whole friendship group was completely different. There were a few of her Stuy classmates at Stanford, Henry being one of them, but she had never been close with them. At Stuyvesant High School, Kate was more of a trouble maker, causing mayhem with Maddy and the other girls. She was a wild child and everyone knew it, although she always managed to avoid being in serious trouble.

She had not been close with Henry in high school. They were completely different people and it was only by chance that they started hanging out. Completely nervous, overwhelmed not to mention lost, Kate had run into her first class only to find that the class had already started. Looking around the theatre frantically for an empty seat, she'd heard someone calling her from behind. It was Henry Barnett. Since then, they had been hanging out and Henry had become one of Kate's closest friends at Stanford. Who would have thought?

(~Always~)

Rick was exhausted. He had always been his daughter's main caregiver, but he hadn't expected being a single parent would be so hard. He was lucky that Alexis was a good kid, but even a good three-year-old was a lot of work. He could only imagine how difficult it would be if he wasn't fortunate enough to have the flexibility that being a writer gave him. He loved that he could play with his daughter during the day and that he didn't have to put her into childcare, but it did make writing difficult. To compensate for the writing he didn't do during the day, Rick spent most nights typing away until the early hours of the morning. Since Meredith had left, he was also getting up early with Alexis, who would wake up at 6:00am without fail. He was exhausted, but he couldn't imagine doing things any differently.

While Rick missed having a partner in life and a mother for Alexis, in many ways, Rick was glad that Meredith had left. She resented motherhood and was constantly complaining about New York City. He had long known of her numerous affairs, but the day she called from Malibu and informed him that not only was she not coming home, but that she was divorcing him came as a complete surprise. He had fought hard to keep Alexis and had just won full custody the week before. Admittedly, it hadn't been difficult; Meredith hardly wanted to be saddled looking after a child full-time, but Rick had still been concerned that it would be difficult as a father to get custody.

For months he had been operating by instinct, hoping just to get by. He hadn't been thinking about the future with Alexis, and worried about what would happen later on in life. Would she want her mother? Could he be a decent father? As much as Rick loved parenthood, he worried, alot. Unlike many single parents, he wasn't overly concerned with money, though he knew he would have to continue writing if he wanted to give Alexis a good life, but rather with his skills as a parent. He had no idea what he was doing, even now that his daughter was three. What was a father supposed to do? Growing up, he hadn't had a father or steady male role model to look up to, and his mother had hired a string of nannies to raise him, something he refused to do. He had no idea how to raise his own daughter and he was terrified of screwing things up.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** **I just want to clarify that Rick and Kate will not be meeting in this or anything. It is not a Caskett story. They may bump into each other, or be at the same place at some point, but they will not be meeting properly and there will be no romance between the two. **

**Also, to make it more clear, this is set in the fall semester of 1998. Nebula-9 began to air over the summer and is in the last few episodes of the first (and only) season when this story picks up. This was really important for how I've visualized the story going.**

**I've taken some liberties with Kate's high school days, and I doubt that the writers would make Kate as insecure as I have, but I don't think she is too OOC. Let me know if you think she is.**

**Sorry if the formatting is a bit weird, posting from iPad. Will fix when I get to a computer.**

* * *

Kate bit at her lip as she walked from the library to her dorm room. She was nervous. She didn't know why; Henry was just a friend. She was always nervous these days. Back in New York, Kate knew who she was and knew her place, but in California? In California she was just another girl who wasn't blonde enough or pretty enough. She had never been the most secure or confident girl, but this complete self-doubt was new.

In high school, she wasn't one of the pretty girls,even though her mother insisted she was. her mother had to say that. Her mother had to sing her praises and tell her how great she was. She was fit, but she wasn't one of the athletic girls. She was smart, but hardly the top of her class, although that was partly due to her failure to apply herself, at least according to her parents. She wasn't an angel, but was hardly a bad girl. At Stuy, she was just Kate. She didn't have a spot where she fit perfectly, so she made herself fit. She had friends, and she had plenty of them, but not best friends. She had barely been out of school and had already lost contact with Maddy, one of her closest friends at school, though that was more because of Brent Edwards than anything else.

Even though her parents weren't fans of the friendship that emerged from 9th grade French class, Kate loved everything that being Maddy's friend entailed. Maddy was gorgeous: blonde her, blue eyes and really skinny - she was everything boys wanted, and she knew it. Maddy knew how to act to get the right sort of attention from the right sort of people and she took Kate under her wing and made her somebody. For the first time, people were noticing Kate for who she was and she started to believe the things her parents had been telling her for years.

To Jim and Johanna Beckett, however, Madison Queller was nothing more than a bad influence. They saw the changes in their quiet baby girl and blamed her new friend for the Social butterfly that she changed into. Kate would roll her eyes every time they began to lecture her - couldn't they see that she finally had a group? They were worried that she would be one of the 'bad girls', but Kate continued to stay in their good books. Like her lawyer parents, Kate was good with her words, the skill getting her out of trouble regularly.

Thanks to Madison, Kate soon had plans every weekend, from parties to trips to holiday homes. She was rarely without a boyfriend and even managed to snare a date with the french exchange student that everyone said was actually royal. She was Stuy's "it girl" and it was all thanks to Madison Queller. The pair were inseparable, even going so far as to get matching tattoos one Friday night.

Kate could only imagine what her parents would say if they knew about the tattoos! Her mother may have been relatively cool about the motorbike, but she would have gone mental if she knew her baby girl had a tattoo! If Kate was honest with herself, her mother would have gone mental if she knew half the things her daughter had done. If they knew the truth, there would definitely have been partying when Maddy and Kate had stopped talking in senior year.

The Brent Edwards thing really was silly, and the more Kate thought about it, the more she regretted everything that had happened. They had made out it was this immensely complicated situation, when really it couldn't be more simple. Halfway through senior year, they realised that they liked the same boy and it was apparently the end of the world. Maddy had accused Kate of copying her (in everything) and Kate retaliated, claiming that Maddy was jealous of her. At that point, they stopped speaking. It was beyond stupid and, when he found out about their fight, Brent had announced that he didn't have time for school-girl games and that he wouldn't go out with either of them. When Kate found out that they had both lost, she considered reaching out to Maddy but she was too embarrassed.

The rest of senior year had continued much like before for Kate, the only difference seemed to be the absence of Madison. The party invitations kept coming and her Stuy classmates generally treated her as if nothing had changed. To everyone, other than her parents, Kate seemed to be the same confident and outgoing girl. People treated her exactly the same, so she tried to act the same. It was the only thing she knew to do. At Stanford, however, no one knew who she was. She was just another girl.

As she reached her room, she dropped her heavy book bag and reached into her pocket for her room key. The last thing she wanted tonight was to go hang out with Henry and his friends. He had said they were all massive fans of the show, Nebula-9 was it? She'd never seen it, and Henry had a tendency to understate things. Knowing him, Kate would show up and he and all his friends would be in costume. She really didn't want to go and watch some show she didn't know, and thinking about the past had her wanting to hide from the world.

Unlocking the door, she picked up her book bag and entered the room, before dumping it on her bed. She glanced at the pinboard on the wall above her bed, filled with photos of her family and from her time at Stuy. She reached over, fingers dancing over the memories. Her fingers landed on a photo of her and Maddy, standing awkwardly on the stairs in her parents home before homecoming in junior year. Placed next to it was a strip from a photo booth later in the night, where they looked so happy, pulling faces and giggling. Her eyes next fell to a photo with her parents, taken on a trip to Disneyland when she was 15. She had pretended she was too cool and argued when her mother had presented her with a pair of mouse ears to wear, but she honestly thought it was the coolest thing ever. She really missed her parents.

Kate sighed, scrunching her face to stop the tears from forming. She knew what she had to do. She took the two steps from the bed to the desk, reaching for the phone and dialing the numbers that she knew so well. The phone only rang twice before it was answered.

_"Katie, is that you?"_

"Hi dad. I really miss you!"

(~Always~)

Rick picked up his sleeping daughter from in front of the television, taking care not to cake her. He carried her into her bedroom and placed her under the covers which he then pulled up over her. He brushed a stray hair from her cheek, "goodnight my angel," he whispered softly before gently pressing his lips to her forehead. He leaned over her to switch the small nightlight on then stood and turned the main light off as he left his daughter's bedroom. Returning to the lounge room, Rick paused the video of 'The Little Mermaid' using the remote. It was Alexis' favourite movie and she watched it on a near daily basis. He sat on the couch, switching the TV to a late night talk show.

A connoisseur of parenting books, Rick worried that her obsession could be indicative of something else, more than just a little girl loving a movie. She was three, an age where such signs tended to emerge and, while Meredith hadn't been much of a mother to Alexis, she had regressed substantially when her mother left. Rick put it down to a little girl missing her mother, but he was beginning to think it might be more than just that. He sighed as he stood, deciding to do some more research at the desk that was his makeshift office.

Rick wasn't struggling financially, not by any means, but he wanted the best for his daughter and was all too aware that his success would not necessarily continue. When he royalties for his previous book began to arrive, he invested most of it in a high-interest account to use for Alexis' education later. Sure, it meant the pair were living in a tiny apartment but he had been trying to live within his means, especially after the speed at which he had spent the earnings of his first best seller! Living economically had even much easier since Meredith had left, that was for sure.

He flipped through the various web pages letting his mind wander. He was probably over thinking things; Alexis would make eye contact with him and, given recent events, regressing made plenty of sense. Her whole world had been turned upside down. So she fixated on The Little Mermaid. It wasn't so bad?

Rick changed to the document he had open, deciding to review the writing he had done that day. It was always difficult to work during the day, but his mother was in town and had spent the day with Alexis. As much as he loved getting some writing done for a change, he had found himself missing Alexis. A phone call jolted him out of his thoughts, and he reached for the phone as quickly as he could so it wouldn't wake his daughter. "Hello?"

_"Richard! It's your mother"_

"Ah mother! How was the show?"

_"Oh it was a trainwreck Richard! Has Alexis gone to bed?"_

"Fell asleep in front of 'The Little Mermaid'. You really tired her out today."

_"She really does love that movie doesn't she?"_

"Watches it almost every day. Not sure if I should be concerned about that."

_"You know why she loves it so much, don't you?"_ his mother paused, waiting for an answer he could never given _"She loves it because Ariel is the only Disney princess with red hair. I guess it makes her feel pretty or something." _

Rick let out a laugh, "Of course, and it makes perfect sense that she started watching it so often after Meredith left!"

_"Speaking of which, I was at the cast party after the show tonight and I ran into a director friend. Apparently he's been struggling to cast the lead in his new show and I'm perfect for the part -" _

"- so you're moving back to the city!"

_"Yes, but don't be expecting me to babysit all the time. I am here working."_

"Of course, Mother."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N: Of course, just as I'm getting right into writing this story, inspiration strikes for another multi-chaptered story. I'm going to try and finish this story before I start writing another.**

**Anyway, sorry for the delays with this chapter. I had hoped to upload it sooner, but didn't have internet on my computer and uploading on my ipad last time was exceedingly tedious. **

**I put some comic book references (not too specific) in here, so I've made clarifications on these at the end.**

* * *

Kate was dreading this class. It was the class she shared with Henry and he was the last person she wanted to see. In the end, she hadn't gone to watch the show with him, but stayed in her room, chatting to her parents for an hour. It was exactly what she needed. Plus, what was the point in going to watch a show that she didn't know and hadn't seen before with a bunch of fanatics? She was just going to be miserable anyway.

As she walked into the hall, she hoped that she would be able to get a seat before Henry arrived and could corner her about not visiting the other night. She kept her eyes trained at the front of the room as she walked down the steps and shuffled into the end of a row in the middle of the room. Just as she was placing her bag on the floor and was about to sit she heard her name.

"Kate, over here!" It was undoubtedly Henry. Great.

Kate grit her teeth, again hoisting her bag over her shoulders and standing straight. She turned and saw her friend waving madly from a few rows behind. "Henry!" She said, trying to mask her annoyance with faux enthusiasm. She suspected that it would be obvious to all. She had never been the best at disguising her true feelings, especially when they were negative. She begrudgingly made her way to the seat that was empty next to the young man. Taking a seat, she avoided his eyes, "hi".

"I've tried calling you," he said plainly, but slightly dejected.

"I've been busy," she said, looking down at her feet.

"Kate, if you didn't want to hang out, it's fine. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." Kate's heart sank. Henry was such a genuine person and he didn't sound mad or annoyed at all, but rather completely honest. That just made her feel worse.

"Henry -"

"Kate, I'm serious. I know this show probably isn't your thing anyw-"

"Henry, it's not that. I just needed to talk to my parents. I'll be there next week."

Kate could see the enthusiasm in Henry's eyes, but he stood his ground. "I don't want to force you. You're not into this sort of thing and I don't want you to feel bad for not being interested in it"

Kate met his eyes, realising she would have to tell him. "Henry, how familiar are you with Elektra?"

"Greek mythology, right?"

She sighed, realising she would have to explain herself. Kate quickly glanced around, hoping that too many people wouldn't overhear what she was about to say. "Yes, but no. I meant Elektra with a K, the comic book character. I've read pretty much everything in her canon, as well as anything in Batman's recent history. I have a favourite Batgirl, Barbara Gordon by the way. I cried over 'The Killing Joke'." She paused, taking a deep breath, "Henry, I'm a comic book fiend, so I'm sure I can handle a bit of sci-fi."

Kate watched as Henry's jaw dropped. "Uh, okay," he paused, unsure of what to say, "We're, uh, having a marathon on Sunday, if you wanted to watch from the start?"

"I'll be there," she said confidently, feeling her mouth creeping into a smile.

(~Always~)

"I'll have this right over to Black Pawn. Thanks Mr Castle!"

"No problem Tony," Rick said as he watched the bike messenger run down the stairs with the latest chapters of his book in hand. His deadline wasn't until tomorrow, but he had managed to finish writing sooner than he had expected. This wouldn't have been possible, of course, without his mothers babysitting assistance and, with Alexis off at the zoo for the day, he was able to finish writing by 1pm.

He practically skipped to his makeshift office, hastily shutting the front door behind him. He loved being a parent, but doing it on his own made is quite difficult to get time to himself. He had never been overly responsible and had always had many hobbies and interests, but between playing with Alexis during the day and writing at night, he didn't have time to indulge in them. Alexis wasn't due back with his mother for at least three hours and, had it been longer, he would have hurried off to the zoo to meet them. He decided against it, figuring that by the time he made it there and found the pair, it would be time to return home. He felt guilty for not spending the time with his daughter, but he couldn't help but feel a little glad of the fact that he had some time to himself that wasn't set aside for writing.

Rick grinned as he rolled on his office chair from the desk to his shelf, barely stopping in enough time to avoid a crash. His latest short box was on the bottom shelf, waiting for him consume the stories held within. He pulled off the lid, placing it on the ground and pulled out the large stack of comics he still had to read. Although he hadn't had the time to read his usual selections since Meredith's disappearing act, he made a point to stop by Comicadia for new comics each Wednesday, usually taking Alexis with him. There was a video store near the comic shop, so each Wednesday the pair would pick up his comics before heading two doors down, where Alexis would choose a movie for them to watch. Once at home, they'd watch the movie together as Rick bagged and boarded his new purchases to protect them. Occasionally, Alexis would look over his shoulder at the colourful pages, and Rick was always thankful that the less appropriate of his comics, like Batman, were filled with darker colours.

With Alexis out of the house for the reasonably foreseeable future, Rick could get a good start on his stack. He guessed that he had at least 50 books piled up, so he knew he wouldn't get through them all that day, but if he made a good start he _might_ be done by Christmas, although he doubted it. First, of course, would be _Batman_, his favourite. Rick pulled the comic out of the sleeve and opened to the first page.

"Bruce Wayne, how I have missed you!" he whispered, before beginning to read.

* * *

**I hope you like this addition to the story. All the comic references are accurate. I _had_ to make Kate a fan of Batgirl because I see many similarities, especially between Barbara Gordon and Beckett, especially in the New 52. For those who aren't as familiar with Batgirl as I am, _The Killing Joke_ was a Oneshot Batman published in 1988 and basically, the Joker shot Barbara Gordon, who was secretly Batgirl, and she became paralysed. **

**Also, writing this _really_ made me miss comic books. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay. I've been super busy and have only had internet on my ipad, which makes posting things quite difficult. I should have the next chapter in a few days. **

Rick fingered the envelope as he waited in his desk chair, eyes trained on the door. Alexis was playing quietly in front of the TV, oblivious to her father's obvious nerves. She really was a good kid. He glanced in the envelope once more before opening the top drawer of his desk and placing the envelope underneath the planner that sat in the drawer. Standing, he walked over to the couch and sat, all the while watching his daughter play.

"Alexis, time to get dressed. Do you want help picking out something to wear?"

She turned to glance at her father, her large blue eyes smiling. "You could tell me what I'm doing so I know what to wear?"

He grinned. His daughter was _so _smart, so much like her. "Not that easy pumpkin. To your room. If you're quick I'll try to braid your hair."

Alexis stood, running to her room. After a moment, she reappeared, childish glee shining in her eyes. "I'll be quick, but you're not braiding my hair! I've still got knots from last time!" He watched as she again disappeared.

Meredith was in town. Rick hated when she showed up, out of the blue and surprised them. She would usually appear having not rung to speak to Alexis for weeks, and whisk her off to some restaurant or play that was entirely inappropriate for a child her age. Alexis would return home, either hyped up on sugar or utterly exhausted past the point of no return, and Meredith would disappear once more. It was awful, and he couldn't say no. Rick couldn't stop his daughter's mother from spending time with her. That would be too cruel. His daughter deserved to have Meredith in her life.

This time, however, she _had_ called. Her plans were known, and Alexis was excited. _He_, on the other hand, was not. He was terrified. It wasn't that he had doubts, or that he thought Alexis would begin to like Meredith more. No, it wasn't that at all. Alexis _should_ like Meredith. A child had every right to spend time and be loved and love their parents. He was terrified of the mess that Meredith would leave in her wake.

He was now a single parent, and it made dealing with a young, albeit easy, child all the more difficult. When he needed his daughter to do something, he didn't have another person to play off. He couldn't brush her off, telling her to ask her mother when she was begging for something ridiculous. When she was sick and refusing to take her medicine, he had no one there to help him. So when Meredith rang and told him that she was coming to town and wanted to spend time with her daughter, Rick had a sinking pit in his stomach; he was going to have to clean up some sort of mess.

Rick wasn't even positive that his ex-wife would bother to show up. He had written it in his planner but Meredith was hardly known for her reliability. He hadn't bothered to tell Alexis that her mother was in town; he didn't want to explain to his daughter that her mother thought something (or someone) else was more important. No. Instead, he told Alexis that she was going to have a surprise; that she would get to do something fun. He made the right choice.

He stood and walked back to his desk. Opening the drawer once more, he flipped through his planner, checking the date he had made the note on. Yes. He had remembered correctly. Sighing, his hands drifted back towards the drawer, hovering over the envelope, unsure whether he was doing the right thing in picking it up. Doing that, well, it would be like giving up.

This time would be different. Meredith _would_ show up. Alexis _would_ get time with her mother. But it didn't stop him from buying two tickets to 'Disney on Ice', just in case.

~C&B~

She had to go. She had promised him. More to the point, she wanted to be there. She wanted to go. She was just scared. Plus she had three papers and an exam in the next week and really needed the day to get on top of her work. But she promised Henry.

Kate sighed as she kicked the covers off the bed, willing herself to get up and ready herself for the day. Glancing at the clock that sat on her bedside table, she realised she had slept through breakfast. It was 10:30am. She was meant to be at Henry's by now. _Great_.

Reluctantly standing, she pulled off her pyjamas, leaving them in a pile beside her bed. Before quickly reaching for the jeans she had laid out the night before. She paired it with a simple black t-shirt and quickly grabbed the leather jacket she had bought over the summer.

For a hot minute, Kate contemplated doing her hair and putting on some makeup, or even looking in the mirror, but it seemed like too much effort for half past ten in the morning. She pulled on her boots, again glancing at the clock and decided that she really had to buy a watch_. One day. _

Deciding that she could afford to be late, Kate sat on her bed once more, her head in her hands. She tried to remember everything she knew about the show she was going to have to sit through. It was called _Nebula-9_. It was science fiction. And that was about it. _Great_.

Standing, she grabbed the empty bookbag from beside her bed, where she had thrown it the night before. She threw in her wallet and keys, quickly adding her discman and a notebook with some study notes. If the show was awful, she could always leave to study. She wouldn't be lying if she said she had work to finish. It wouldn't be wrong. No. Not at all.

With a final look over the room, Kate left, locking the door behind her. Plugging her headphones into the discman, she put them over her ears and pressed play, and Kate let the music wash over her.

Everything would be okay.


End file.
